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mulders-too-large-shirt · 5 months ago

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s2 episode 7 thoughts

hmm. hmm. that is the sound if me pondering what i just watched.

(i understand that this episode was an analysis into mulder's self-destructive behaviors when faced with overwhelming grief, but. that does not mean i enjoyed vampire hookup time)

well. we shall start from the top!

i read that it was an episode about vampires which i thought was a weird narrative choice because. hello. scully still gone??? but then i remembered that i too ignored the main quest in skyrim to hunt some vampires and that i had no place to judge

(granted, my main quest wasn't finding scully though. might have given that a bit more priority than saving the whole world. because she IS my whole world)

we open with a guy that looks like joe biden meeting with an attractive young woman. they're making out in a hot tub and we just know someone is gonna get slurped upon. and woe, it be upon us! double vampire attack.

back in DC, mulder gets his old office back! it's covered in plastic. he takes some of it off. he adjusts his calendar from may to november, so we see how much time he and scully had been assigned to other tasks, which also has me wondering how she managed to get a new house that quick.

(also, this calendar is... scantily clad women posing next to tools such as hammers and saws. was this allowed? was this acceptable? was it normal? were the 90's a lawless wasteland and mulder an irreparable freak?)

well. scully is an x file now, and he puts her glasses and id into an evidence bag and closes the filing cabinet which was sooooo evil. but he can't bring himself to put her necklace away. oh man. oh he's gotta have it in case he finds her. he has to hold her close. i'm Fine this is Fine.

so. he goes out to california to deal with the joe biden looking fellow being murdered. and he is not wanted on the crime scene. we know this because someone greets him by saying "nobody called the bureau" and he says "well, they should have" and lifts up the tape to let himself in. because one thing about him is that he's gonna let himself into a place he isn't wanted.

he sees the writing of a bible verse in blood on the wall and says something about their grasp of biblical knowledge being "feeble and literal" and i was like okayyy need to have a theological discussion with him

he then scares the other guy who originally wanted to kick him out by reciting a LARGE amount of facts related to similar cases and it's very much giving photographic memory. got me thinking, have we ever seen this man forget something? (directions don't count. they're confusing. but everything else sticks in that man's brain)

he just needs one thing: a phone book. which he uses to call a blood bank and ask about a new guy. who must be the vampire who did this!

so he rolls up to the blood bank and i'm over here struggling because i do Not Do Blood, and i knew at this point this was gonna be a tough watch, but i didn't anticipate the non-blood related reasons why this would be true

anyway he's sniffing around the blood bank and he hears some slurping and wouldn't you know, this dude is tearing into a bag of the red stuff like it's a capri sun. somehow he gets him into custody, where the dude refuses to talk because the lights are on, and mulder comes in with a lamp he put a red filter over, because he was prepared for vampire interrogation.

the vampire is going on about how what he did isn't murder because it's not like animals hunting prey is murder which is. not the greatest approach in terms of legal defense. mulder tells the guard that the guy is delusional and it's best to play along, and he believed this to be true... until he, quite literally, burned to a crisp in the sunlight. and died.

he's talking to the coroner and rattling off a bunch of vampire facts and says he didn't believe in vampires which is so funny to me because like. why is that where you draw the line, my friend. not at bigfoot and definitely not at aliens. but man. vampires are just too out there for spooky mulder. until now!

the coroner has a very funny line: "you are really upsetting me... on several levels" which seems to be the general effect fox mulder has on people. and also because i felt the same way about his dumbass actions during this episode.

coroner finds a stamp on the dead body's hand, which seems to come from a nightclub. so naturally our fbi agent ends up there.

you often see posts saying that "(insert character here) should be at the club". i fear that this is not the case for fox mulder, but it's possible that it's his suit and tie that are throwing me off. he just doesn't seem like he belongs there. i ask myself, where should he be instead? perhaps some sort of star wars convention would suit him better. a book signing with some author he likes. idk, an interior decorating festival. not here.

i shall use my verbatim words to walk you through the next scene:

"pause. he's talking to a woman who was looking into a compact without a mirror. so. vampire suspect. and now why are they getting so close together. and getting a drink. okay now they're leaving to a new spot together? AFTER she admits to vampirism"

(here she did some stuff that required me to look away from my screen due to my Weak Constitution. but also it would have felt necessary to look away anyway because it was getting... charged)

she tries to get him to... suck on her finger... but he won't do it because aids. which is fair. i think that's a smart move, actually. it's just that getting flirty with a vampire he knows was involved with a ton of killings was such a stupid move, i don't know why it's now the braincells start to kick in.

that kills the vibe, though, so she gets another guy to take his place and things escalate.

mulder pulls in at a restaurant called ra. nice! the sun god! and he is... through a window, witnessing some more slurping action. he seems to want to intervene and save this poor soul being feasted upon...

but the poor soul is no poor soul at all! he comes out and decks mulder, and delivers this line with stunning conviction: "i don't know who you are, freak, but we're two consenting adults" and with this, he is forced to flee.

and yeah. it made me laugh. my expectations for the genre were subverted. he signed up for that shit! what he did not sign up for, however, was the next part, where he was killed by the other vampires.

cut to investigating the crime scene. mulder has brought along a forensic dentist, which is a job i had no idea you could go into. he needs to see about those bites, which are very human.

next they go to vampire woman's house. it's a very nice place. mulder... opens her oven. and sees a loaf of bread in there. and i'm thinking, man, i hope this doesn't go where i think it's going. baked goods... ovens... i never want a vampire pregnancy arc. but he cracks open the loaf and something red spills out and somehow, this to him means that she is gone and isn't coming back. he can read the signs of the bread. so add that to his resume. what did the bread tell you, my liege?

he seems to have stayed in her house, however, because he's there when she's back, and says he knows she was using the bread as a charm to ward off evil. because apparently that's an eastern european thing, blood bread to warn off evil. sound off if any eastern europeans in the chat wanna confirm or deny.

anyway. he's IN this woman he thinks is a vampire's HOUSE? what the hell. mulder seriously i need you to stop and think. like you should have stopped and done some thinking a while ago. honestly i'm not mad i'm just disappointed. and he's like "i want to save you come with me before they kill you" ohhh big tough man needs to save her huh. make him feel good inside. huh. certainly no ulterior motive here...

she's monologing about her horrible childhood and how sweet blood tastes. um girl. don't lie to him like that. i have busted my lip open before that stuff does NOT taste sweet and dangerous. it's like a penny with rust that you found in a parking lot.

it seems her vampiric origin story, if to be believed, is that things simply got too kinky. which is a new take on the genre.

(it's also about being caught in an abusive relationship and the damage that inflicts, but it seems abusive boyfriend came into vampirism at his kinky parties and things escalated from there. which. well. it blew the eyebrows clean off my head, to be fair)

at this point we see that he is WEARING SCULLY'S NECKLACE? he says something like "it's from someone i lost" and she says that she "hopes he finds her"

i did not like the undertones here and certainly not the overtones. because i knew where this was going. he was shaving in her bathroom. and let me tell you something: there is only ever a shaving scene in media because the writer needs a way to get some blood out of someone's body and into the real world. and man. i knew it was coming.

but what i didn't see coming was her SHAVING HIM??? girl. i am uncomfy. and she does, of course, cut him, and then they kiss. aggressively. terribly aggressively. can anyone answer what was going on in a satisfactory manner?

but the gag is: the original vampire- who burnt to a crisp in the jail cell, and was the abusive ex she spoke of- HE'S WATCHING THEM THROUGH THE WINDOW!

he breaks in and taunts the vampire woman about how he had to "wait for her to finish" and i was like cool. thank you SO much for that mental image i'm super happy with it. i definitely don't feel like i need a shower. but then he's going on about how he can't be killed.

here, at the tail end of the episode, we learn the rules of vampirism in this world: a vampire cannot be killed by a non-vampire. and a non-vampire BECOMES a vampire by consuming the blood of a believer and also taking a life. it is only here we realize that this woman is not an actual vampire yet, she just appropriates their culture by drinking blood unnecessarily.

mulder's still sleeping in her bed and she's like "you need to leave" and she stabs the wall to make her evil ex think she's killing him. but when they go to break out, mulder ties him up quite handily and he gets in the car to escape with vampire woman. until ANOTHER vampire woman jumps on the hood of their car. and main vampire woman knocks her out for a bit by running into her with said car, which is super effective.

mulder's leaving the place in shambles, his shirt still unbuttoned, wandering down the side of the hill. back at the house, now that we know the vampire rules, main vampire woman says she can finally kill the evil vampire ex. and he's like how!! you haven't had the blood of a believer or taken a life. so. she licks the blood off her hands (unclear if it's hers or mulders tbh) and says she'll take her own life. and drops a match after pouring gasoline.

so. that brings that to an end. and shabby looking mulder sits on a hill as he learns all four in the house died.

the episode ends with him playing with scully's necklace. which i don't even sort of feel like unpacking right now but maybe another time.

probably not, though, because i just didn't like this episode. and yeah, a lot of it comes down to me not wanting to see mulder hook up with people who aren't scully. can you blame me? is it so wrong to have preferences in this world?

but also, narrative wise- do you honestly see the guy fucking off to cali while scully's still missing to deal with an unrelated problem instead of devoting every hour of his life to finding her, like we saw him do in the last episode? you expect me to think he just puts it off for a lil while? the guy who, just last episode, pulled his gun on the ski lift operator to get to the top where she might be a little faster, and then choked his one and only suspect out of fury? you're thinking this is the guy that's gonna go soak up some west coast rays?

and yeah, he was obviously not himself through the episode- very cold and analytical- but c'mon. we all want to bang a vampire. he's not special. i just personally wouldn't do that if my friend were gone. like how is that gonna help the situation. be so for real. time and place!

and also the whole only learning the rules of being a vampire about 5 minutes before they need it to be plot relevant. that annoyed me too.

overall, mulder, like i said, i'm not mad, just disappointed.

let me know what you thought on this episode- i try to not be a hater, but i also understand that hating in small doses can be good for the soul. if it's a widely beloathed episode i'll feel better in my judgement as i join a long tradition of haters who have come before me.

#i think i shall choose to ignore this episode going forward #sometimes he is so violently a Man it's shocking.#like the sexy tool calendar? i cannot keep defending him. throwing tomatoes as we speak. they're splattering his shirt.#man if i was missing and i learned my friend hooked up with a vampire to distract from the sorrow i'd be pissed as hell #i'd be all #and how did that help the situation. did it lead you to find me. why weren't you LOOKING for me.#is this vampire more important to you? is she gonna take my place? answer your 3 am calls and stand up for you against workplace bullying?#and you WORE my NECKLACE? the one my MOTHER GAVE ME? as a birthday present when i was 15? when you FUCKED HER?#THE HOLY CROSS MY CATHOLIC MOM GAVE ME? you wore it while i was MIA? inside a VAMPIRE?#oh i would never let that GO! if i were scully i would simply never let him live that down. it would be awkward asf between us for a bit #sighs. maybe i'm too petty. maybe i hold a grudge too deeply. all things that have been said about me before!#scully baby if ur reading this i would NEVER engage in any sort of recreational activity until i found u again okay? don't settle for less #juni's x files liveblog #txf #the x files

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coquelicoq · 10 months ago

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i still can't really have a conversation in french but i can read the french dictionary and i can translate 18th-century treatises on mollusks from french. that should count for something.

#-me to me after totally wiping out in conversation class #whatever!! i'm in conversation class to get better at conversation not because i'm already good at it!#<-repeating this to myself ten times a day #some of my classmates however. now those SOBs can converse. can they ever. you wouldn't believe #the conversations these assholes are having in front of me and trying to engage me in #such as 'where do you live?' and 'what do you do for exercise?'#and then i'm also supposed to think of questions to ask them. unfortunately when this happens i can't think of a single question #that has ever been posed in the history of human interaction #'do you like...uhhh...[sweating and eyes darting around] calendars?'#except i forget the word for calendar and say a made-up word #(this exact scenario has not occurred but in the broad strokes it is accurate and in the particulars it is only a matter of time)#every time someone asks me a question i want to say 'thanks for your question! you can expect a response in 2-3 business days.'#for some reason this is frowned upon however.#french

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artiststarme · 2 years ago

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April Fool's!

Just a short fic about how I think Steve and Eddie would handle April Fool's Day. I hope you like it and please leave your thoughts in the comments!

~*~*~*~

They’d been together for a year at that point and what a year it had been. In that time, Eddie had his name cleared of multiple murders, had gotten his first boyfriend, graduated high school on his third attempt, got adopted into a dysfunctional family, and had fallen in love. ‘86 really was his year.

But now, he thinks ‘87 would be even better. If the upcoming months were anything like the last then he was looking forward to it. As he laid in bed watching a softly snoring Steve, he couldn’t help but think about how lucky he was. He had the perfect man curled around him like a blanket-hogging octopus and he’d never felt so in love.

When Steve’s arms stretched and his mouth opened in a disgustingly wide yawn that made his nose scrunch, Eddie could do little more than coo affectionately at the sight. Steve’s eyes blinked blearily at him and he smiled a tired, but still beamed the brightest smile. “G’morning Eds.”

Eddie meant to say good morning back or compliment him on how beautiful he looked so early in the morning. What he ended up saying though was perhaps the worst thing he could’ve said. “Marry me.”

Son of a bitch, why’d he do that?! They’ve only been together a year, fuck! It wasn’t like he didn’t mean it, he’d marry Steve in the snap of a finger. However, his boyfriend deserved a huge proposal with lots of planning and meaning, not some half-hearted (albeit well-meaning) slip of tongue.

As he watched the emotions on Steve’s face, he saw a lot. His expressions flickered between surprise, contentment, confusion, disappointment, and anger, but seemed to settle on hurt. Tears flooded Steve’s eyes but he swiped them away angrily.

“What the fuck, Eddie. Why would you say that?” He sneered at him, anger covering his heartbreak.

Eddie was taken aback for a moment. He didn’t think that his proposal warranted that reaction but he wasn’t going to judge Steve for being hurt and disappointed. He would be too if Steve had proposed so blandly on a random Wednesday.

“I’m sorry baby, I didn’t mean for it to come out like that! You just looked so cute that I was thinking about it and my mouth moved faster than my brain. I’m sorry and you don’t have to answer now. I’ll ask again later and it’ll be way better and way more romantic,” he promised.

Steve just shook his head and clambered out of bed. He pulled on a pair of jeans and a polo off the floor as he went, muttering angrily under his breath all the while. Then he disappeared through the doorway.

Eddie sat on the bed in shock. He gets that he made a mistake by just blurting it out like that but was Steve really that against marrying him? I mean, it wasn’t even legal to do yet so they wouldn’t be married in the eyes of the law. It would just be an acknowledgement to themselves and their family about how much they love each other. So why was he so against it?

When he heard the unmistakable jingle of Steve grabbing his car keys, Eddie shot out of bed and barricaded the door to the trailer with his body. He couldn’t let Steve leave when they were fighting (not after the last time he left and hid with Robin for two weeks and gave Eddie the silent treatment).

“Steve, please don’t leave. I’m sorry, I don’t really know why you’re acting like this but I want to talk to you about it. Communication and shit. Please,” Eddie begged him. His eyes were pleading as he gazed at his boyfriend’s sad and stricken face.

Steve shook his head and cleared his throat, “Was everything a joke to you?”

“What-”

“Our entire relationship, was it all just a massive prank? Haha Eddie, it’s hilarious. Now get out of the way,” Steve said. He lightly pushed at Eddie’s shoulder, gentle even in the face of his pain.

“What are you talking about, why would it be a joke? I love you,” Eddie stated confusedly.

“Then why would you ask me to marry you on April Fool’s, Eddie? Like I wouldn’t say yes in a heartbeat if you asked me and actually meant it! Now seriously, I’m not dealing with this right now so let me leave.” He pushed at Eddie’s shoulder again but Eddie stood firm.

“Of course I meant it! It wasn’t how I wanted to ask and I don’t have a ring ready and we can’t actually do it legally without being arrested. But I do want to marry you. I’m really sorry that I blurted it out like that but I meant it wholeheartedly.”

“It’s April Fool’s Day, asshole!” Steve’s voice wavered as if realizing that that didn’t necessarily mean as much as he thought it did.

Eddie felt the trailer’s door push against his back as Wayne arrived home from his shift. Oh hell no, no one was getting in or out of this trailer until he said his goddamn piece.

“How the fuck am I supposed to know that? I hardly remember my own birthday, much less when April Fool’s Day is! I saw you looking sexy as hell and thought, ‘I want to marry this guy’. I didn’t consider what day it was!”

The nudging of the trailer door against his back abruptly stopped and it slammed shut. It seemed that Uncle Wayne did not want any part of this lover’s spat.

Steve dropped his keys onto the kitchen counter and ran his hands down his face. “God, I’m so stupid.”

“Hey, no you’re not! Don’t talk about yourself like that. I mean, if I knew it was April Fool’s today… Okay, I probably still would’ve asked. But I would’ve clarified that it wasn’t a prank and that I was only asking you because I can’t imagine myself not waking up to you for the rest of my life.”

Steve’s hands dropped from his face onto Eddie’s shoulders. “That was the most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me. Of course, I’ll marry you.”

And then, he kissed him. Years and years later on the day gay marriage became legal in Indiana, they made their marriage official surrounded by all their friends and family. They were older then, more gray hairs and back pain but even still, they sealed the deal with a kiss.

Permanent tag list:@doubleb11 @nburkhardt @zerokrox-blog @newtstabber @i-less-than-three-you @carlyv @pyrohonk @straight4joekeery @trippypancakes @conversesweetheart @estrellami-1 @suddenlyinlove @yikes-a-bee @swimmingbirdrunningrock @perseus-notjackson @anaibis @merricatty @maya-custodios-dionach @grtwdsmwhr @manda-panda-monium @lumoschild

#Steve still tattles on Eddie to Robin and she still threatens to kick Eddie's ass for the misunderstanding #Wayne congratulates them on the 'engagement' but buys Eddie a pocket calendar so nothing like this happens in the future #Eddie almost forgets their anniversary every year until one of the kids pulls an April Fool's Day prank on him which reminds him #stranger things #steddie #fanfic #steve harrington #eddie munson #robin buckley #uncle wayne

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moderndaypandora · 2 years ago

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Got tagged by @notallsandmen for a WIP paragraph game, and I’m incredibly flattered, considering ... this doesn’t feel on the level of fic, this is fun little sketches of dialogue at most. But this is what I had, so here’s more of the mortal dreamling silliness (previous bits: modern day mortal dreamling and newlyweds with ravens)

How Hob asked Johanna to be his witness for his wedding:

He texted her asking if she was free that afternoon, because he needed her for something. Historically "something" has meant anything from "taste-testing 3 different scone recipe variations to figure out the best one" to "hustling drunk pricks at darts". Likewise, Hob has done her favors ranging from picking up tampons to providing an alibi. In theory there is a ledger of favors owed, but in reality there will never be a balancing of books (because they're best friends, even if Johanna is too prickly to admit it and Hob is too smart to).

Johanna texted back "yeah, what's up?", and practically broke a land speed record pressing "Call" when she got the response.

Johanna: what the fuck kind of text exchange is confirming I'm around and then sending "getting married today, hello, witness!" and a selfie of you and some goth twink?

Hob: it felt pretty self-explanatory

Johanna: last I'd checked, you weren't even seeing anybody!

Hob: things change?

Johanna: I got dinner with you 5 weeks ago, you bastard, and you were single then.

Hob: ... things change fast?

Johanna: how the fuck did you even meet him?

Hob: I was running back from class during that awful rainstorm last month, and he was just outside my tube station.

Johanna: Hob.

Hob: His umbrella'd broken and he was soaking wet, and he looked absolutely miserable, poor darling.

Johanna: ...

Hob: So I offered him towels and dry clothes, since my flat was just up the road. And by the time the rain stopped I knew I wanted to marry him, and he said yes.

Johanna: what lunatic just follows strange men home?

Hob: he was pretty suspicious until I gave him my phone so he could text my address to his sister.

Johanna: and she was somehow fine with it, like 'yeah, go on'? 

Hob:

Hob: he got a bit distracted by my phone background and never actually texted her.

Johanna: the fuck

Hob: you know Julian of Norwich is gorgeous

Johanna: your cat is a lesser demon escaped from hell. I'm going to exorcise your cat someday

Hob: Jules is a sweetheart. She doesn't even hunt birds!

Johanna: That thing won't kill any of the bloody birds in your neighborhood because she's saving all her energy to someday murder me and you know it.

Hob: ... undeserved paranoia about my extremely photogenic cat aside --

Johanna: WELL-deserved!

Hob: --will you be my witness?

Johanna: Left it a bit late, if you're asking me today. Did everybody else say no?

Hob: Didn't ask anybody else. Been planning to ask you since Dream said yes, but I figured if I gave you too much notice you'd flee the country.

Johanna: [tearing up, because even if you're an independent badass, it's nice to hear you're somebody's person] you're fucking right I would.

(Johanna's custom ringtone on Hob's phone is from Sweeney Todd, the final verse in Johanna where you can hear the body drop ("Wake up, Johanna, another bright red day"), because Hob and Johanna are black-hearted bastards/absolutely in cahoots with each other and think it’s funny. Hob's ringtone is Being Alive from Company ("Somebody need me too much..."). Sondheim all the way, motherfuckers)

#dreamling #hob is a medievalist and he would name his cat after an anchoress #i don't make the rules except when i do #johanna: wtf do i even wear to be a witness #hob: idk nothing obviously bloody or stained?#johanna: mm. what are you wearing?#hob: khakis and a button up #johanna: not the high-waisted ones right?#hob: there is nothing wrong with them #johanna: you're going to look like the slutty professor wannabe you are #johanna: and i bet you're going to roll your sleeves up #hob mid-sleeve roll: can't i look nice for my future husband?#johanna: yeah nice. not Mr April from an Academia Gone Wild calendar #hob: ... how am i supposed to take that #johanna: as a suggestion to look like a respectable spousal candidate #hob: we got engaged on less than 24 hours' acquaintance #hob: there is no chance of respectability #johanna: jesus fucking christ #johanna: you're paying for all my drinks at the reception #hob: by reception do you mean at the pub afterwards #johanna: clearly you prick. and it's going to be decent liquor. none of that bottom shelf swill #hob: we are celebrating my marriage afterall #johanna: [groaning] text me the address and don't give me any shit when i show up with a flask #johanna: you absolute bastard #hob: <3 #dream is 'sir not appearing in this sketch' because he had to go back to his flat and get his own appropriate clothing #and also provide proof of life and zero mental impairment to death #because she was still hoping it was a joke/she could talk him around to waiting longer

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